If there is one funny thing...

If there is one funny thing about WWII....Someone decided to become an artist.



If there is one funny thing about American Apparel...They succeeded with this ridiculous pair of spandex




If there is one funny thing about the US Marine Corps....It created this monster



If there is one funny thing about peanut butter and jelly....It wasn't this song



If there is one funny thing about sleep walking....It would by far be this ARTICLE


If there is one funny thing about religion....Its the fact that someone actually tried to walk on water


If there is one funny thing about basketball games....You could win a free funeral


If there is one funny thing about the internet....I just learned how to kill a unicorn



Now that im done lets play a game....find the one thats different


*I do not patronize Nazi's in any way, but I do like being controversial.
Oh and just incase you were wondering about the history of violence with chairs.....Chare Violinz

Pipe Pipe Cherio!

So I'm back..I know don't be too excited, save the energy for your fixed gear adventures to the bar. I've been thinking lately and it's about what I'm going to get my family for christmas. Should I go with the holiday sweater? Maybe the reindeer car costume so my dad can look like a complete idiot driving? Glow in the dark keyboard stickers?

One thing sold me this winter season, Super Soakers



You know something bugs me about the winter season..why do people put their tongues on things that are icy when they know its going to turn out bad? Ever licked your lips and stuck paper to it or even put ice on a dry lip? Apparently, experimenting with frozen poles isn't that unusual, especially this time of year.

I just saw a dog poop calendar on sale for $13 on a website....and that ain't no bullshit ;)

So last night I was laying in my bed peacefully thinking about things. I looked up into the sky and saw beautiful stars and the moon and I thought to myself "where is my ceiling".

Lost Inventions...

So I was searching around for a new invention and found this odd thing. Honestly...

Before I get into this, im going to explain breifly why i use this phrase "Honestly". I always tell honesty and when I write it's not like i'm typing something thats a lie... I didn't photoshop this plunger on her head. I use the word honestly just like a preppy hussy using the term "Like" or Lyke to get the point. "Lyke omg i S'd so much D this weekend at that kegger". Now I feel like urban dicitionary, you get the point.

Lyke would you wear this plunger helmet? It even had a sign that i'm sure, tells people to leave you alone, not wake you up, etc. Who wouldn't lyke want to mess with that person right then and there?! The first thing I think of is slowly creeping up on her and just uppercutting the brim of that hat so her head just flies out of it. I could just imagine someone falling straight on their face... haha.

So...Let's talk about some more words.

Boss Sauce: Saw this one on some website...immediately thought this could be what I drink to bring my suave alter ego out, Dareek Flajay.

Bean Bag Chairs: Really? I mean they aren't a chair at all and when you sit in them you feel like you're sitting in a chair with 4 different sized legs

The Spice Channel: Not for lovers of hot foods, of course unless you like sausage

Egg Pants: You can dress chicken with gravy and now you can dress your eggs with..pants?

I guess?

Erasable Pens: Whoever invented these obviously became confused with putting a hole in your paper while smudging ink everywhere with erasing ink.

I'm spent, goodnight

Breakfast Time Lumber

So I just woke up. The crime scene is the bedroom I am laying in as I write this. All i see are holes in the ceiling and popcorn, not the kind you eat, on my bed. It's another case of holes in the ceiling, so I get up and start walking to the garage, where the stairs are leading to heaven, or as most people call it, the attic. Heaven is hot, dark, and usually has a lot of insulation scattered around its geography (It's nothing like you thought it would be and there's no clouds). I walk around heaven until i see little beams of light shining upwards through the house ceiling onto heavens ceiling, which is ironically made of wood (we'll get back to that later). Looking down through the holes I can see a bed, a cat and a dog costume. The first thing that comes to mind is, "wow these holes aren't so bad, I should set up a video camera and make a porno". I mean, I was right considering there was a bed, a cat (which would later, as in right now, be translated into "pussy", which men usually like unless of course you live in key west), and a dog costume (for roleplay). Did I go too far? Second thought that comes to mind is, "How did these holes get here". I lay down facing heavens ceiling because i'm just a natural detective and thought to do this instantly. It turned out to be the case closer. As I look up at heavens highest point (the main beam) I see the rays of light to my left. They spell something out as if someone was carving words into the ceiling with a tool. That tool would later be my penis and that word.... Hell. Guess the devil wanted to pierce heaven, good thing he chose a tool thats indestructible.

Title of the blog?
Breakfast Time = Morning
Lumber = Wood
Morning Wood

Do people actually schedule sex?


Here's a funny phrase, "Extra Fancy". I recently saw this on a bag of string beans, honestly what makes anything extra fancy?

Here's a funny food, "Uncrustables". I guess it was too hard to make a peanut butter and jelly sandwhich, smuckers has a frozen version, without crust.

Oh, and here's a funny question, "Can I ask you a question?". If im not mistaken, you just did.


Time to go make some Hodge-Podge in the kitchen.

Write this down...

Sitting here eating ice cream made me realize how much i love mixed concoctions. Coffee Ice Cream & Oreos, Pepperoni & Pineapple Pizza, Cheese Cake (concoction of words more than anything), and even girl on girl. I just love concoctions and mixing it up so whether it's pre made (Chex mix) or Minute Made (Coffee Ice Cream & Oreos) (No pun intended (Minute Maid)) I will most likely eat it.

Let's talk about funny words. Here's a funny one, Bossoms: Use this word to take the "sexy" right out of nature's greatest accomplishment and probably look like an idiot in front of friends.

Next word. Turophile: Kind of like pedophile except you would be really fond of cheese, not premature testicals.

Another please! Masticate: Remember when you were 16 and your friends all thought it was funny to say "I bet you masticated 100 times today"....Did they realize that this meant to chew?

Second to last! Bovicide: Means to simply kill a cow...so if a cow kills itself its not bovicide?

Last Please! Priapism: If you have seen viagra commercials, an erection lasting for more than 4 hours, but not because of the pill.


I have an uncontrollable urge to dance right now and I think they call this boogie fever.

Holidays...

International Chicken Wing Weekend 10-12 and Nude Recreation Week 6-12 are both running till the 12th of July. Also keep in mind you can celebrate International Chicken Wing weekend and Nude Recreation Week for 2 days straight TOGETHER! Whats better than Eating chicken wings in the nude? That's right, nothing. Be ready July, because we're mixing body parts with wings (lets hope no body parts fly away).

I'm glad people are actually reading this, I just wish i had more "followers" and regular visits because I am writing this for you. BTW today's Memorial Day, so get drunk, have a bbq and do big thangzzzz because that's what our fellow fighters did....not.

My pool is looking very cloudy, like sex happend in it. EW right, but here's a fun fact.

The average blue whale produces over 400 gallons of sperm when it ejaculates, but only 10% of that actually makes it into his mate. So 360 gallons are spilled into the ocean every time one unloads one. Awesomeeeeeeeeeeeee! too bad that isn't true, sometimes I wish it was so I could make fun of that one kid who swallows a massive amount and almost drowns in 1 foot of water at the beach.
"Dude lucky we were here, you almost...YOU SWALLOWED ALL THAT BLUE WHALE SPERM"

Anyways i'm gonna go make french toast sticks! I just found out there is no more BBQ :(
Let me go dig up the carcass i burried last night.